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Earth Hour, or as it is known around my house, the second and third acts of Mean Girls, was marked last night. At least, I assume it was perhaps in some circles of college town Columbia. Otherwise, any occasion not involving alcohol and fireworks goes unnoticed in South Carolina. It is not because we are dumb people in the Palmetto State. Quite the opposite. We are not going to participate in something so stupid, yet lays claim to being enlightened.

I am reminded of Southern comedian Jerry Clower, who once famously quipped that some people are educated far beyond their intelligence level. I would add many are educated beyond any level of common sense. As proof, note how many go along with such progressive ideas as Earth Hour without a lick of reasoned argument as to why, but count themselves among the intellectuals regardless.

The best way you can demonstrate the stupidly of shutting off the lights for an hour is by remembering this allusion to artists, cartoonists, and various pop culture creators: what has best symbolized a fictional character soundly having a flash of inspiration? That is right--a light bulb flashing on over his head. Remember that, Gaia worshippers, when fumbling around in the dark next year while texting your buddy to congratulate each other on your token gift to the Earth.

Yes, token. So you cut off your lights. Big deal. Your refrigerator was still running. Your washing machine might have been. Bet your computer was still on, too. You have to commit to these things, people. Give up keeping your food cold and fresh. Clean your clothes by hand in a bucket. Forget communicating via the internet. Let us see how committed you really are to this how environmentalism thing.

Cutting off your lights for an hour a year is nothing. I sleep eight hours a night with all mine off, and I would have every stick of furniture in my house made from rain forest wood if I had the option. The good Brazilian kind in which scuff marks from the chain some hippie used to tie himself to the tree had to be sanded off after it was cut down. No, you have to show a bigger commitment,

Alas, the logical suggestion--shut off the life support units at the local hospital--is one I am afraid to suggest. The environmental movement is full of hardcore abortionists and euthanasia enthusiasts who need very little encouragement in pushing their human extinction agenda. We are fast approaching a day when such will be the mainstream. Prediction: Infanticide will be part of the Democrat party platform by 2020. Maybe even 2016.

On second thought, you all should just sit in the dark for an hour a year. Munch on your granola bars, with visions of dancing, hairy arm-pitted lesbians and graying pony tailed hippies dancing by scores of Barack Obama inspired windmills in your head. You will still be hypocritical idiots, but at least you will be harming no one but yourselves that way.